target complaint

Dear Target manager,

I am writing to express my outrage at the horrendous, dare I say discriminatory, treatment I received yesterday from a sign stuck on the front doors of your Dadeland Station location.

The sticker on the front door plainly and unmistakably said “service animals only” or something like that. What an outrage: humans are good enough to work for you but not good enough to shop in your store? I had no idea of this animals-only policy you had enacted, and let me tell you — I don’t take kindly to it. 

I entered the store anyway, at which point I began to feel the full brunt of the psychological and emotional harassment the sign was inficting on me. If you allowed me to enter the store, it follows logically that you must consider me to be a service animal. Not just an animal, but a service animal. What exactly are you trying to say? That you consider me to be a service animal? I don’t know how much therapy it is going to take for me to process this affront to my humanity and to my social standing as a bourgeois, but as soon as I find out I will be sure to send you the bill.

Whether you think (as you apparently do) that service animals are superior customers, or you think (as I do) that it is an insult to call a human of my standing a service animal, the point remains that you should cease and desist your exclusionary practices. This is not some nightclub with a velvet rope across its entrance. You’ve heard of velvet ropes, right? Ropes made of an imitation animal texture. Fitting, since an imitation animal is exactly what I was made to feel like. 

Signed,
a concerned humanist