Someone I know is getting ready to teach sex ed to 5th-graders, and is wondering what kind of questions to prepare for. I am trying to remember what I wanted to know as a 5th grader. It seemed weird to me at the time that they would segregate the boys from the girls for sex ed. I was scared to be with all the boys and only the boys because I knew I was different from them and I thought that would be more apparent with no girls around. When it was over all the girls came back to class looking somber and important as if the weight of the world had just been put on them. That was my idea of it.
I already knew certain things about girls, before this class. The year before, in fourth grade, my friend Lucia told me, à propos of nothing, not to bother her because she was in a bad mood. I had learned by then that this meant you were supposed to ask “why are you in a bad mood.” So she took out a sheet of paper and a pencil, and started drawing a circle, dragging the pencil lead around and around and around and around, obsessively, for a really long time until she had a huge black circle on the paper. That’s how I learned what a period was.
It was later, in seventh grade, that the health teacher gave us a lesson on the male anatomy, the vas deferens, the urethra, nocturnal emissions, why some boys like to do their own laundry, etc. She let us ask her questions anonymously. So we all put our timid anonymous questions into a hat. I remember the teacher fishing out one question that went something like this: “Wouldn’t it be fair to say that nocturnal emissions are kind of like a boy’s period?” It’s not that bad of a question, is it. It sticks with me because I remember thinking that there must be some boy in my class who was jealous of all the fuss over menstruation. This Q&A session came after a particularly moving demonstration, involving a large glass of water, of how tampons work.
My next chance to take a class like this was at my all-boys Catholic high school, senior year. You learned Church teachings on who you could and couldn’t marry. The big controversial one was no cousins. (This was the 80s.) I learned this from friends who took the class. I opted out.
this is a gorgeous post that nails with perfect accuracy the difference between boys and girls. i wish i had been in sex ed with you. i would have stayed with the boys. i would have found a way. we would have been together to weather all that difference.
i am glad you learned so early to ask what is wrong with someone when they say that something is wrong with them. it’s a useful social skill. it’s also nice.
every time i have my period i draw obsessive circles with a very soft pencil. sometimes i push the pencil so hard that i make a whole in the paper. i suspected other girls might do this. now you gave me evidence.
it’s very easy to understand what menstruation is if someone draws an obsessive pencil circle and makes it all black. it’s why women do it, to communicate to others what they are going through.
menstruation is circular. loop de loop.
i love the saudade that fills this post. i have a lump in my throat.
some time ago i read that most married people worldwide are cousins. i refuse to believe that it is true, though deep inside i know that it is.
i would kill for more posts about your sex ed. posts about your childhood in general would be good, too.
I would just like it if someone gave me some sex ed. because I went to Catholic school. A nice nurse told us to expect our periods and that was that. The religion teacher told us, “DON’T EVEN FOOL AROUND BECAUSE A DROP OF SPERM ON YOUR LEG WILL SWIM IT’S WAY UP AND YOU’LL ALL BE PREGNANT!!” I bought that one for a really long time. Thanks for ruining college, Mr. R.